|Individual counselling and psychotherapy
Initial assessment involves a discussion of what has brought you to counselling and how you would like to change your situation. Your feelings about your
situation are especially important and sometimes it can take time to clarify what your feelings are. Discussion may include your social, work and
relationship/family circumstances and your family history. At the end of the first session, feedback will be given and goals discussed and agreed.
Suggestions will be offered as to how counselling might proceed and how the relevant issues may be approached and worked with.
Counselling is about finding out what you can do differently to get what you want and need. Good psychotherapy can help you feel better and relate better.
It can be about handling our feelings better and changing our behaviour; it can be to do with improving the way we think and/or stopping worrying;
sometimes it's more to do with being able to relax or express ourselves better and other times its all of these and more. Counselling and therapy begins
with you being deeply listened to. Together we will talk about what you want and how to get there.
Learning to acknowledge, accept, forgive and nurture ourself is important as well as sometimes challenging ourself. Feeling safe, supported and
understood is a priority. Looking at how we have developed unhelpful patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving may be necessary. Awareness of our own
mind (thoughts, beliefs, perceptions) and body (feelings, tension, stuckness, disconnection, stress, energy) is always a starting point as this determines
how we relate to ourselves, our problems and others. Difficulties in relating to ourself and/or others usually reflect unmet needs in childhood that were not
our fault. We may blame ourself unnecessarily for relationship difficulties and find it difficult to be objective especially if we feel disempowered. In therapy
we can learn new skills and embody new ways of relating. Therapy provides a safe space in which to challenge our thinking, feeling and behavioural
patterns and practise more fulfilling ways of being with ourself and others.
Marriage and Couple Counselling
I take a holistic, systems and emotionally focused approach to couple counselling (ie looking at and working to improve the patterns (or system) of
how we emotionally relate to each other). Relationship counselling begins with listening to how one or both partners would like to change things in some way. Goals
often include reducing conflict, stopping blame, increasing respect, personal responsibility, intimacy and communication For a variety of reasons, couples may
sometimes get stuck in negative patterns such as blaming, attacking/defending, stonewalling and distancing. Patterns of thinking, feeling and
behaviour that have been learned in childhood may also be involved. Continual negative interaction, lack of friendship and intimacy and mishandled
conflict leads to emotional distancing, isolation and loneliness for both partners and ultimately separation and divorce. Learning to listen,
acknowledge and express feelings in a calm environment often needs support to learn effectively.
Many couples want to reduce the negative interactions and increase the positive ones so that friendship and intimacy is allowed to prosper. Some
want to learn how to effectively manage conflict, negotiate successfully and repair conflicts so they do not fester. Partners can also be helped to
identify and better manage their own individual patterns of anxiety and stress so that they do not overly or negatively affect the health of the
Family conflict and stress often reflects unhelpful patterns existing between the adults. Generally adults are asked to attend for an initial assessment
without children being present.
|Carl Webster - 0424 650 630
|Feeling afraid, anxious, sad, angry, hurt or depressed.
We don’t like to feel pain and suffering in ourselves and others and we often have inbuilt defensive strategies to NOT feel, such as: avoid, disassociate,
numb, project/blame/be angry…..(with or without alcohol, drugs or pharmaceuticals).. We may also become angry with ourselves or others, or suffer
negative thoughts and become stuck emotionally and energetically. Unfortunately this generally leads to more suffering. To be alive, relatively content and
motivated and have the strength to ride life's roller coaster, we have to learn to become aware of our defensive patterns and relearn how to relate to our
feelings and thoughts. The skeletons in the cupboard are only skeletons when we have the courage and support to take (talk) them out and see them for
what they are. By learning new skills we can begin to increase our awareness, become more gentle with ourself and enjoy our life and relationships much
As humans we are primed to be aware of danger or threat and seek ways to avoid it. This is sometimes called the fight or flight instinct. However there are
many occasions as a child and sometimes as an adult when we cannot do fight or flight. A common strategy is to find a way of distracting ourselves from
fantasy, talking non stop, getting depressed and shut down, intellectualizing watching TV or drinking and drugging to name but a few. Avoiding may help
us survive in the short term, but avoiding fully experiencing our feelings prevents us from processing and integrating our experiences. Avoidance is likely to
leave us in a no-mans land and possibly feeling confused, numb, depressed, sad, angry and/or physically sick or in pain, without understanding or knowing
why we are feeling the way we do. Unprocessed pain and feelings from our past can continue to haunt us in the present and affect how we relate to ourself
|"Carl is a gifted psychotherapist able to understand the developmental needs of his clients and make healing contact"
Dr Richard Erskine Training Director of the Integrative Psychotherapy Insititue (Canada, USA and Europe).
Ive read that the most important thing in therapy is finding a counsellor who makes you feel understood, respected and cared about. Carl is that type of therapist. I
never feel as if he's just spouting techniques from a manual. He doesn't avoid emotions or treat them like something you need to rationalise your way out of, as so
many therapists do these days. Instead he helps you get in touch with and learn to live with your feelings, as well as looking at where they came from i.e. childhood
issues. I would recommend him to anyone needing a good therapist
Jen (review from TrueLocal)